HR Lingo
What they really mean when they say...
“COMPETITIVE SALARY”
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
“JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY”
We have no time to train you.
“CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE”
We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up.
“MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED”
You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
“SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED”
Some time each night and some time each weekend.
“DUTIES WILL VARY”
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
“MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL”
We have no quality control.
“CAREER-MINDED”
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
“APPLY IN PERSON”
If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the position has been filled.
“NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE”
We’ve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
“SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE”
You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.
“PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST”
You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
“REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS”
You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
“GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS”
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
“COMPETITIVE SALARY”
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
“JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY”
We have no time to train you.
“CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE”
We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up.
“MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED”
You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
“SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED”
Some time each night and some time each weekend.
“DUTIES WILL VARY”
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
“MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL”
We have no quality control.
“CAREER-MINDED”
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
“APPLY IN PERSON”
If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the position has been filled.
“NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE”
We’ve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
“SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE”
You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.
“PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST”
You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
“REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS”
You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
“GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS”
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
posted by Mustan at 10:55 AM
3 Comments:
ADVANCEMENT OPPORTUNITY: Shit job
ENTRY LEVEL : *Really* shit job
NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY : The mother of all shit jobs
ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT : Shit job with a title
TEAM PLAYER : Must deal with dangerously territorial co-workers with rabid personalities
WORD PROCESSING SKILLS ESSENTIAL : There's a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future.
PUBLIC RELATIONS : Receptionist
PLEASANT TELEPHONE MANNER : Be voice of 1-900-SUCK
EARN UP TO $300/HR : *BE* 1-900-SUCK
SALARY RANGE $2000 TO $3300 : First person to take $2000 is hired
SECRETARY: Woman-only job with the responsibilities of management and wages of a migrant worker
SALARY NEGOTIABLE : We will take the lowest bidder
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You're walking into perpetual chaos.
haa haa!!
To
Malinda - Darn! You found my online joke site. This sucks. Now, I have nothing "original" to post to entertain you.
Shan - thanks for commenting; you have no idea how long I waited for this :P Kidding - thanks for the photos and the company; I just realised you are one of my most level-headed friends =)
Post a Comment
<< Home